After 20 Years
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. " You impotent bastard, " she screamed at him, " how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: " I'll explain the toy ... if you explain the kids. "
The Dirty Wife
A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and her husband's sex life. So, she goes to the adult novelty store and came back with some crotchless panties.
She goes home, puts them on and waits for her husband to come home. When he does, she lifts up her dress and shows him her new panties, asking,
"You want some of this?"
"Hell no," says the husband, "look what it did to your underwear!"
A lesbian joke
A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are. "Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger.
"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, would I?" the woman responds.
Vibrator
One afternoon, this old lady walked into an adult shop, all trembling and shaky, looking for something. Finally, she walked up to the store attendant, who looks at her curiously.
"Yyyoungggg mannnnn, dooo you seelllll viibrattoors heeeeere???" asked the woman.
“Yes, ma'am. We do sell vibrators," answered the man, with a big grin on his face. "Do you want to buy one?"
"Heh-heh-hhellllll nnnnnnooo, younggg mmmmmaaaan. I jussssssst waaannnttt ttttooo knnoww hhhhooooww yyooouu tuuuuurn itttt offfff!!!!" replied the woman.
Daughter and a Vibrator
A mother hears a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom, so she opens the door and finds her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.
"What the hell are you doing?" the mom asks.
"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.
Later that same week the father hears the humming noise and finds his daughter with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm 35 and I still live at home with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to having a husband," replies the daughter.
A few days later the mother hears the humming noise coming from the den, so she bursts into the room (quite annoyed) and is surprised to see her husband sitting on the couch, watching TV with the vibrator buzzing away next to him.
"What in God's name are you doing?" she asks.
"Watching the game with my son-in-law!"
The Stuck Vibrator
A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.
She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination.
"I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."
"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries? "
